


Under Pressure

by edgy_fluffball



Series: Tumblr prompts [7]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: BAFTA Awards, Coming Out, Getting Ready, Love Confessions, M/M, Oblivious Gwil, Tumblr Prompt, oblivious Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-02-11
Packaged: 2019-10-26 01:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17736068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edgy_fluffball/pseuds/edgy_fluffball
Summary: Whilst getting ready for the BAFTAs, Ben entrusts something to his reflection in the mirror. Remeniscent of something that never was his, he pours his heart out.





	Under Pressure

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the prompt "I've liked you for a while now".

Ben took the shirt off the hook and slid it on. Nimble fingers fixed the buttons, brushed a bit of fluff off the pressed sleeves and turned up the collar, brushing over the skin of his throat as they pressed the top button shut. He shut his eyes for a moment before looking into the mirror to check the shirt once over. It looked nice enough, clean, black and crisp with pale green cufflinks, accentuating his eyes, apparently. His gaze wandered to the photograph he had stuck to the frame, a strip of photo booth pictures he kept in his wallet.

‘I’ve liked you for a while now,’ he whispered as soft hands grabbed the black bowtie and put it around his neck, ‘from the first moment I felt like I had experienced something special. Ever since we started filming I thought I would just be brave and tell you but I never managed to, never found the words and I am still incapable of finding them… Fucking hell, no one talks like that!’

He checked his reflection before adjusting the bowtie and turning to the blazers, all on their rail. His hotel room seemed bleak without the presence of the usual two to three people lounging on the bed as he got ready. It had turned into their ritual, he helped them, they mocked him for being the last one ready to go, he pretended to sulk. Joe and Gwilym made use of this the most, arguing that he was a natural when it came to fashion but a turtle in speed. He felt himself tense up trying to ban the image of Gwilym sprawled over his bed out of his mind, a memory from the last awards. They had decided to get ready in their separate bedrooms after the commotion Joe and he faced for their video snippet. Gwilym had called them from his hotel room to check up on them immediately after Joe posted it, asking whether they needed a chaperone. Joe had laughed it off, called him jealous and nudged Ben in the process, urging him to join in. Ben, suddenly fallen quiet, reminded them of the long day and night ahead and bid both of them goodbye.

He was seldom lucky with his infatuations. He had a tendency to pick people who seemed nice enough to not break his heart turning him down but the most recent of his fancies did it anyway, simply because he did not know about being the focus of Ben’s emotions.

Gwilym had captured his mind and soul during filming and the time spent together after wrapping had only strengthened his feelings. Knowing that he had a girlfriend had kept any raunchy thoughts relatively at bay, making Ben feel uncomfortable enough to shudder thinking about it.

But then, merely a week earlier, they had gotten together in a small restaurant to eat and enjoy the time they had together. Joe was generally in charge of their evenings out, he tended to find the most interesting menus, places and people around. He also never disappointed.

The pub they had gone to had been small, cosy and crowded – part of Ben believed he had booked the last corner table on purpose so that they were forced to squeeze around it. Ben had ended up next to Gwilym who beamed up at him when he arrived, cheeks red and already buzzed.

‘Ben,’ he had exclaimed and raised his glass, ‘you finally made it, don’t you dare abandon me, I was all by myself!’

‘Sure you were,’ Joe had motioned for Ben to sit next to Gwilym, ‘I’ll get another round, now that you’re here.’

With that, he had left Ben to head over to the bar. Gwilym had leaned in and offered him his beer, reminiscent of their days on set when they got together and shared the last can of beer one of them found in their trailers.

‘My agent is on my case again,’ he had told him, rolling his eyes, ‘apparently it’s not good publicity to go to award shows without a date.’

‘Not all of us are Rami and Lucy,’ Ben had shrugged, still flushed after taking a swig of Gwilym’s beer, ‘besides, don’t you go on your own because you don’t want to drag your girlfriend into the spotlight?’

‘They changed their stance after she broke up with me,’ Gwilym had downed the rest of his beer in one gulp, ‘I really need that round Joe’s getting. Can’t be expected to stay sober after a breakup.’

Ben’s head had not handled this information well. He had blushed, stammered his sympathy over the breakup and taken the beer Joe passed on a moment later but his heart had been in his mouth and thumped like mad. Gwilym, unaware of the struggles he went through, had leaned forward to take his beer from the tray Joe had brought over.

‘So, breakup,’ Joe had sat down on the single chair that fit on the other end of their tiny table, ‘spill the tea, what happened?’

‘I came out to her,’ Gwilym had shrugged, ‘apparently, it’s dishonest to come out as bisexual to your partner after you have been together for some time. Complete rubbish, of course but she insisted that she couldn’t be with a liar.’

Joe had shaken his head for a moment, ‘Pal, she doesn’t know what she lost. To Gwilym and his newfound freedom!’

Ben had raised his glass, tongue-tied and close to a nervous breakdown. The cool drink had helped but little and Gwilym’s burning eyes on him had only made him feel worse. Something about the way he looked at him had his stomach turning.

‘Bisexual, huh,’ Joe had taken over the conversation and Gwilym happily answered his questions, leaving Ben to listen to his thoughts roaring and blood rushing, unable to process what he had heard, ‘when did you figure that out?’

‘Years ago,’ Gwilym had put his arm around Ben’s shoulders but something about this small thing that they had done countless times before made him uncomfortable, ‘well, at some point I just couldn’t ignore that I regularly fell for guys.’

‘You never mentioned anything,’ Ben had choked out, ‘but congrats, anyway.’

Gwilym’s grin, warm and grateful, was still the thirst thing he saw when he closed his eyes. It drove him crazy to know that they had had this one thing in common that had never been mentioned, of course it had not. Things like that did not come up in conversation. He had lost something without knowing that it could have been his in the first place.

The realisation hurt.

He looked through the blazers on the rack, pushing them apart to look at them. Every time he was required to make an appearance, he seemed to be given more outfits to choose from. Picking one turned into a real challenge, especially without Gwilym or Joe there to support him.

Ben pulled a light blazer out of the pile, the colour seemed to go with the seams of his shirt. He shrugged it on and checked himself over again.

‘Nothing too special,’ he pulled on the cuffs, adjusting them a little, ‘can’t overshadow Gwil. No one can, after all.’

He put his watch on and dusted off his shoes, giving them a last polish whilst muttering the words he recited like a prayer these days, something to keep him grounded, ‘I’ve liked you for a while now. I like the way you are kind to everybody, no matter how annoyed anybody else would get. Your patience and attention for detail makes you perfect. You would never see me as an equal and knowing that you might one day introduce us to a man that is, breaks my heart. I wish I had known earlier, I might have mustered up the courage to tell you just how infatuated with you I am. But knowing, knowing that there was a tiny moment, a split second in which you might have been looking at me when we first met and you evaluated me, not knowing that I in that same moment looked at you and lost so much of myself in one glance…’

‘You make it sound like I never looked at you with the same thoughts crossing my mind,’ the door fell close softly, clicking shut behind Gwilym.

He was completely changed, bowtie sitting straight across his throat, white shirt wrinkle-free and perfectly aligned with his belt and blazer. His hair was impeccably styled and his beard trimmed. His sight made Ben tremble, not with fear but with admiration. Only after a few moments did he realise what had happened. Gwilym still stood in front of the closed door, an unreadable expression on his face as he looked at him.

‘Gwil –‘

‘Nope, no talking. You don’t get to talk right now,’ Gwilym took a step into the room, ‘you just proved just how bad you are at it, anyway.’

Ben swallowed and took a step back. The edge of his bed pressed into the back of his knee and he wished for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Gwilym’s eyes followed him.

‘You can’t imagine how angry I am right now,’ Gwilym frowned at him for a moment and Ben felt his heart shrivel up. This was the moment he had feared, the rejection that had lingered underneath the thin cloak of friendship.

‘I am angry because I can’t help but think that you must have beaten yourself up about this so much, and I wish I had known. I wish I had known to do something about it because you really shouldn’t, you shouldn’t feel like that.’

Ben managed a painful smile. Even angry, Gwilym could not manage to hurt him with his words. It gave him hope that their friendship could be picked from the shards and splinters and patched back together. More or less, relationships always suffered under pressure.

‘Ben, look at me, please,’ Gwilym’s soft voice held the power to make mountains crumble and rivers swell in their beds but Ben felt faint trying to withstand the urge to look up at him and get lost in his deep, caring eyes, ‘Ben!’

His hands came up to cup his face and guide his chin up. Ben was clay in his hands, unable to resist. Gwilym was watching him intently, a finger slowly stroking his cheek. His eyes were searching his face, looking for something Ben could not imagine.

Gwilym shook his head softly, ‘I wish we had more time right now but the car will be here any minute now. But Ben – I’ve liked you for a while now.’

His words came to him like through cotton wool. He heard them but their meaning was hidden behind the distortion he experienced.

‘You hear me? I like you, Ben, and I think you might like me back, judging by what I heard you say before I came in. I would like to give this a shot. Between the two of us we might just be oblivious enough to miss the forest for the trees but I think we could also be pretty good together. What do you say?’  
He smiled cautiously, his finger hardly touching Ben’s skin as it danced, light as a feather over his cheekbones. The hope in his eyes was contagious, something Ben discovered when his lips stretched into a similar smile; he moved in, mirroring Gwilym who pulled him closer, hands caressing him with the softest touch he had ever experienced.

‘Ben,’ Gwilym murmured, ‘please answer me before I do this without having your consent.’

Ben hummed against the soft lips ghosting over his, feeling his eyes slip shut, ‘I say you should kiss me before one of us changes his mind.’

He grinned into the kiss, feeling Gwilym squeeze his side.

***

Gwilym had been right about the car. It arrived minutes later along with Joe who knocked on the door to tell them about it. Ben smoothed his hair down and tugged on Gwilym’s shirt to cover the wrinkles his tight grip had caused.

‘As if you could hide it now,’ Joe grinned, ‘I walked in on you fifteen seconds ago, forgotten already?’

‘Point taken,’ Gwilym ran his fingers through his hair and adjusted his and Ben’s bowties, ‘now, that car is waiting, we shouldn’t let them wait.’

Ben followed him out of the hotel room, hearing Joe complain about how they had changed already, as if one kiss was much to go by. He watched Gwilym turn around before he reached the lift, an inviting smile on his lips.

‘I wish I could show you off tonight,’ he whispered when they entered the cabin, ‘I wish I could tell the world you’re mine but I’d have to take you out on a date first.’

‘How sensible,’ Ben replied with a smirk, intertwining their fingers, ‘and here I thought nothing could be better than the BAFTAs.’

Gwilym lifted their hands to press a kiss on the back of his hand. Joe groaned and rolled his eyes.

‘Stop it, you are embarrassing!’

‘Better now than on the red carpet, right?’ Ben retorted, ‘Who knows, you might just end up third wheeling tonight.’

‘Great,’ Joe threw his hands in the air, ‘if that is how you want to spend the day after I finally got you to share my bed.’

‘Actually,’ Gwilym grinned again, wide and happy, ‘you kind of made me realise just how much I like Ben.’

‘And how much you want him in your bed?’

Ben blushed and cleared his throat, ‘Lobby, we need to go.’

He chose to share the backseat with Joe, Gwilym next to him would have been too distracting. Their banter would not seize, he promised Joe as much and agreed to film something for Instagram. It was so much easier to smile into the camera when he could see Gwilym behind the phone in his hand, making faces at him.

The true test started after their arrival. Knowing that Gwilym would not object to his touch made it so much more tempting to slide his hand up and down his back, casually intertwine their fingers or step just a little closer to him.

And he did. Once the flurry of camera flashes welcomed them, he caught himself orbiting Gwilym, leaning into the hand on his back. Joe followed them, attempting to move into their space and Gwilym’s reaction was immediate, he stretched out an arm by instinct to keep him away, tightening his hand around Ben’s hip for a second.

‘Not tonight, buddy,’ Ben grinned at Joe, ‘sorry, but that’s how it is.’

Gwilym caught himself and arranged them in a group shot. Ben noticed how Joe kept his arms at his sides, not starting a second attempt to join them. He clamped his fingers into the back of Gwilym’s blazer for a second whilst smiling for the cameras.

Joe wiggled his eyebrows at him when they broke their pose and seemed ready to bite out a remark when he was called towards the next mark. Ben looked at Gwilym with a smile.

‘Look at the poor soul,’ he chuckled, ‘we’ll have to compensate him for relationship damages.’

Gwilym’s surprised look made him blush again. Then, just as he seemed ready to retort, Joe waved them forwards, a splitting grin on his face.

‘Later,’ he whispered into Ben’s ear, ‘first, we’re going to have a great evening together, I’ll get you a drink and you tell me what your favourite moment was before I drop you off on your doorstep. Do you think I’ll get a goodnight kiss?’

Ben brushed their hands together, ‘Only if you still think I’m worth it.’

‘Well, you are worth the trouble Joe will put me through once he finds out that we were both pining after each other for the better part of two years.’

Ben squeezed his hand quickly in quiet affirmation. The award show, interesting and exciting as it was, took a secondary role next to what Gwilym suggested for their evening. It would be a wonderful start to a long night and new prospects that he could not wait to explore.

Once they had staved off Joe, that was.


End file.
